Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am one with the molecules
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