did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
