ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
