i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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