1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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