He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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