ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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