i may or may not be watching the land before time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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