it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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