When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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