I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
