whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
