I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
