So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
