does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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