do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
