I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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