Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
