The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
