my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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