You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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