i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
