how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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