Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
