Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
