Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Small penises have feelings too.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
