I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
