Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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