K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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