need another drink. this is the easiest way
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
