Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
