meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
