no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
