You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
