It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
