So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
