His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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