Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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