and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
