Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
