I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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