I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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