Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
