My liver just broke up with me...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
