I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
