I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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