Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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