you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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