At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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