I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
