It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
