47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
