I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
