If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
