i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
