i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
