If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
