i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
