nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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