I just threw up on my dentist
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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