Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am spending my child support on dildos
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
