Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
