Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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