Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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