At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I believe in your delicious
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
