There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
