Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
