I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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